May 18, 2003

I burnt out today. Actually, I think it's a mix of things, but the end result is that I'm tired and bitter. I take my frustrations out on humanity because I have so much faith in it. When things go bad and things seem hopeless, I don't have a God to loose faith in, I have people. It's rather short-sided of me to blame humanity for the actions of a small population. There is an island affect this place has. So to transfer the actions of selected group of people to the rest of the army, the rest of the military, the rest of America, the rest of the world … I still can't help but to wonder, how many people suffered today, how many honest people turned out to be liars, how many people in power sold their souls, how many didn't have souls to begin with, how many wives were abused and children neglected? There are so many problems in the world and my petty and not so petty problems are just the personal experience to show they exist. Ever since I was a child I wished for the power to protect that which is important to me. It seems that I cannot do that on my own, that problems are so systemic that they cannot be addressed by merely being honest, trusting, compassionate, and hard working. For the life of me I would rather run into trouble for being too trusting, for having too much faith, than by distrust and fear. It's just so hard to, when you're bombarded by negativity and have to search for the positive. When I get the chance I should remind people of the worthwhile things in life.